Happy Wednesday, Everyone. In this installment, I’ll share with you some of the wild things that come out of my youngest Son (Teddy)’s mouth on an absolutely consistent basis.
If you don’t know, Ted is a wild man. He plays by no rules and considers the fact that he likes cookies as the only real constant in his life…And also Candy. He likes candy too.
Dinner is done the other night and he’s eaten nothing. He’s disappeared into the house elsewhere because, he is not interested in Vegetables, nor protein.
After dinner, I’m doing dishes and everyone is upstairs besides me and Ted Boogie. My man gets up on a bar stool and asks me for Ice Cream I say he has to eat SOMETHING for dinner, so I get him some raisins and a Yogurt. You know, the good stuff.
Two Minutes later, I look over and he’s got yogurt all over him and he may nor may not have his shirt off, because how am I supposed to keep up with this stuff , right?
In his signature raspy, Method Man meets Rain Man voice he says.
“Dad! Is… this…Yogurt……Pretending to be my Dinner?!?”
After drying the tears of laughter from my eyes, I say, “Yes, Buddy. That yogurt IS pretending to be your dinner.”
Life Don’t Rhyme,
Greg Manchild Owens
Such a Clever Idea for a Business name. Buford Dam Road has a ton of Clever people starting businesses along that stretch.
(I believe this one to be some sort of Consignment Store).
Who is giving who a “Dam Dollar”? I’m not clear on that. Is that a demand? A new type of currency only traded close to the Dam? Not entirely sure.
Life Don’t Rhyme,
Greg “Manchild” Owens
Free Advice Friday:
Peace Party People. Thanks so much for your patience. As of March 1st, I’m making a concerted effort to up the content on lifedontrhyme to the level of a much more consistent actual-factual blog. So by popular demand (does my wife and 4 friends count as popular demand?), We’re Back!
In this Friday segment , I’ll be posting a little advice for you that you can take or you can leave broken down on the side of the road. It’s your choice.
To Quote Slick Rick (R.I.P.) and G.R.I.T.S., “Here We Go!”:
As Spring and Summer approach, we’re all starting to think about going to the beach, laying out next to the pool, playing FROLF, Slip-N-Sliding….really any activity that may require us fellas to shed the Cotton Man Blouse and go shirtless. So, resolutions are kicking in, Hopeful P90X-ers are getting it in and we’re basically all turning into Modern-Day Adonises, right?
I personally started running back in the Fall. I had gotten up to what I like to call, “Backbreakanomics Weight”, which happens to be the 2003 Mars ILL album that coincides with my heaviest weight ever. I had hit this milestone weight again after taking my dream job at Bell’s Brewery back in March of 2012. Beer has calories? Really?
It’s been great for me, and 27 ELBEEZ lighter, I’m feeling great. I feel like a freaking corporate hipster in my non-baggy pants. My other Run-and-Gun men might be able to relate. We feel good about ourselves and there is nothing wrong with that. Except for this:
What you will not see, ATL, I’m out there putting one clunky foot in front of the other, is G.O. running with my shirt off. AS GOOD AS I KNOW I LOOK (I Kid, I Joke), IT’S JUST NOT HAPPENING. Why?
Because running with your shirt off; unless you look like David Beckham…Unless you look like Taye Diggs in “Stella Got her Groove Back” or Brad Pitt in “Fight Club”, you look like……like…..
Like…Something horrible has happened somewhere and you’re running away from that disaster area. You look like you were attacked by a Mountain Lion on the running trail and you escaped with your life but not with your shirt….You look like you were mugged by a group of young ruffians who misunderstood on the news that Dri-Fit was a valuable commodity and your sleeveless Under Armour would get them big bucks on the black market…..You look like you’ve become disoriented and you just up and bolted out of the house and are trying desperately to find your way back after taking 3 shots of Cheap Tequila. It ain’t pretty.
(Above: You on Mile 1)
To my fellow Middle-Aged, relatively-in-and-or-out-of-shape party monsters; Do me, yourself and the unsuspecting bystanders to your glory a favor and keep that weird looking torso covered up as you sweat it out. Too many moving parts. Just…too…many…moving…parts. I promise to do the same…wait…where’s my shirt?
(You Look Mahvelous)
Happy Birthday to my Mom! She’s _____!!!! I’m a good son.
Life Don’t Rhyme,
Greg “Manchild” Owens
The sale that we’ve been running at www.manchild.bandcamp.com and www.marsill.bandcamp.com with the $4 Album Downloads ends tonight at Midnight. Don’t sleep, cuz sleep is the cousin of death.
Life Don’t Rhyme,
Greg “Manchild” Owens
From now until Midnight Monday, 11/26
It’s Black Friday at www.manchild.bandcamp.com and www.marsill.bandcamp.com .
All Full-Album Downloads are only $4. Thanks for Listening.
Life Don’t Rhyme,
Greg “Manchild” Owens
Two Weeks ago, I worked Cleveland Beer Week. As some of you know, I’m lucky enough to
A)Work in the Craft Beer Industry and
B) Be employed by my favorite brewery of all time: Bell’s Brewery.
In working a beer week, there are obvious tips that I’m going to glaze over because we are adults and I shouldn’t have to remind you about pacing yourself, moderation, etc etc. If those rules are out the window, take a cab, go to sleep, and so on ad so forth.
That Being Said, here are some helpful tips for a fun-filled and safe CBW, should you find yourself in the Metropolis of the Western Reserve around that time.
These rough guidelines may or may not be based on my own experiences in the Forest City (Forest City…really?).
1) Beers over 10 % ABV should probably not be served in pint glasses. If they are, think about limiting yourself to Quantity ONE of them and nursing it like you were Florence Nightingale. Possibly drink a glass of water after, before moving your session along with a beautiful, much smaller beer.
2) Before you go on a run, check the weather. We have technology coming out of our earholes these days. The Weather Channel is DYING to tell you about low pressure systems. When there is no hurricane on the horizon, those poor people are looking for any poor schmuck they can find to tune in. Throw them a bone and see what’s going on with a rain cloud near you. If you choose not to, you’ve dug your own grave.
3) If you are at a CBW event where Karaoke could break out, BE CAREFUL. Your “friends” will throw hypotheticals at you like, “I KNOW you don’t want to sing, but IF YOU DID, what song do you think you’d do?” Next thing you know, you hear a Digital Underground Bassline, a Mic is in your hand and you’re fumbling your way through the “Humpty Dance.” Since most of us have never gotten busy in a Burger King bathroom, the words aren’t as fresh in your mind as you might think.
LUCKILY, some of us know how to freestyle :)
4) FINALLY, if you find yourself in a bar in Cleveland….This really goes for any time that you’re in Cuyahoga County and isn’t restricted to a Cleveland Beer Week event.
DO NOT EVER, NEVER, EVER, NEVER EVER EVER….tell people that Bone Thugz totally bit their style from Freestyle Fellowship. It is not the time or place for that argument because it’s Hot in Cleveland.
Life Don’t Rhyme,
Greg Manchild Owens
Now I am not one for rants. That being said:
Pitbull is (as my friend Joey the Jerk would say) a “Talentless Rap Millionaire.” Now, to be fair, there are many many TRM’s out there that I could put on blast here. I only choose Mr. Bull because I have a personal problem with him. And where better to air personal beef than…..THE INTERNET!
Now, if you’re unfamiliar with Pitbull’s music, imagine a drunk vagrant has wandered into a wedding and procured one of the microphones. Now, the band strikes up Barry Manilow, but John C. Reilly from Prestige Worldwide grabs the drum sticks and starts to play. What ensues is about 12 times better than any composition Pitbull has ever slopped together.
My problem is this: My wife LOVES his music! As a matter of fact, In a survey of housewives conducted recently (by me), MOST suburban women love this guy’s music. ”It’s catchy!” or “I love running to it!” echo terrifyingly in my ears even now. This is my own personal hell.
In men surveyed in the same time period (is asking guys about Pitbull at the local Pub weird?), The Pitster’s approval rating was dismal. This helps me know I’m not crazy…..or at least realize that all of my friends and cohorts are as hateful as I am.
Is it jealousy of this guy’s success? Possibly. That my lovely bride likes horrible raps….Probably. But, then again, I don’t have anything to say about the success of Jay Z, Kanye, etc. I think because I personally see value in what they offer.
Please excuse my broad-sweeping generalizations. And may all the bad things in this life happen to Pitbull.
Life Don’t Rhyme,
Greg “Manchild” Owens
When I was passing through Santa Barbara, Ca recently, I got to grab lunch and a beer with a buddy of mine, Tim Hoover. Some years ago, Tim founded Ultimate Boarder, the first Triathalon Board Competition in the world.
Mars ILL was tapped on the shoulder to write and record the theme song for the event, and we flew out to Cali that first year for the competition. Great experience.
Here’s the Song: http://manchild.bandcamp.com/track/ultimate-boarder-theme-song
If you want to know more about UB, hit up the website at www.ultimateboarder.com
It’s an amazing event created and pulled off by an amazing dude, Not to mention, This hat….
is my new favorite.
Life Don’t Rhyme,
Greg “Manchild” Owens
Latest video from one of my best friends in the world. #Deepspace5 This guy is a rock star, in my book.
From the upcoming album “Writer Dye: Deux or Die” available on 10/22 at www.iamplaydough.com with features from OhNo, VonPea, CopyWrite, Adeem, Theory Hazit and more.
Directed by Jason Frerking
www.iamplaydough.com
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