Life Don't Rhyme

Hoagies at Dawn

My full-time job is in outside sales.  This means that my office is my car and my car is my office.  My job is on-the-go and I don’t typically have time to sit somewhere and eat lunch.  So, as you can imagine, in my career, I’ve had a love-hate relationship with good old fast food.  It’s everywhere, it’s fast (hence the name), and, let’s face it, it’s delicious.  You may try to turn up your nose, tell me your favorite statistic or quote from “Supersize Me” or some other piece of Communist propaganda, but when the chips are on the ta…..rather, when the FRIES are on the table, your chubby little fingers are in there right beside mine enjoying the fruits of modern convenience.

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Granted, McDoogles, Burger Kang and Shmendy’s don’t necessarily contain the necessary Vitamins and nutrients to sustain your body and allow you to live if you partake of their joy and goodness 3 meals a day, 7 days a week.  Heck, even Chick-Fil-Hey! can’t be good for you if you eat it that much.  Plus, even though they’re a Christian company, there’s something UnGodly about Fries shaped like Waffles…..get thee behind me Satan.

Not to mention, a man could go broke eating out everyday.  5 - 6 buckaroos a day for 5 days a week adds up to….let’s see….carry the 3….a lot.  okay, we’ll just say it adds up to a lot.

So, your boy, Manchild the model of health and nutrition has begun bringing his lunch to work.  

Not only does it keep me from gaining 400 pounds, it keeps my car from smelling like a grease pit and puts some cha-ching in my pocket.  Here is, as they say, the rub.

I like food.  

So, if it’s sitting on the seat beside me, it is SO hard to lay off until the “Appropriate” time for lunch.  SURE, I packed a Banana and a granola bar for 9 and 10 am respectively, but those were gone before I got out of my neighborhood.  

So, at 10am, when my body is telling me it needs a little energy boost?

That’s right, sandwich and chips, down the hatch.  

Now, this isn’t really a problem, per se, except for the fact that I’ll be driving between accounts at about 2pm and start having a panic attack that my blood sugar is dropping below appropriate levels.  

Phone App: WebMD - Dizzy, stomach grumbling.

Diagnosis: You need a Cheeseburger!

So much for the Strategy.  McDoogles here I come!

Life don’t Rhyme,

Greg “Manchild” Owens